Hidden Case of Family Bullying

I chose the name of this blog with care and thought. Most people would recognize the term Black Sheep and would understand its inference. Namely that a member of the family was seen by the rest of the family as someone who was maybe always in trouble with the law or a person who brought trouble to the family door(not always illegally). An undesirable person could also be seen as a black sheep but also someone who maybe struggled with society's perception of them. These people are more likely to be bullied either at school, within the family or at work.

I wasn't really bullied at school and I wasn't really bullied with in the home growing up.

The real bullying started when I was married by  my step father and extended family.

This blog is not about outing these people, seeking revenge or therapy for me ...it is about highlighting the different forms of bullying , its impact and educating both the bully / victim to reduce the number of cases.

I don't understand why we have to as humans fight, be cruel and not look out for each other?

I guess its the law of nature that animals pick on " weaker" members but of course the victims of bullying are not weaker just different in one way or another. 

In my family there are undiagnosed as well as diagnosed Autism and ADHD members, which makes for an interesting and chaotic group. 

I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD which has caused me issues throughout my life one of which is ending up the victim of family bullying.

I have no desire to mend bridges with my family but I would like them to be accountable for their actions and perhaps if possible change their mindset on how to treat their family/fellow man(woman)? That would be a personal win for me!

I was ten when my step father entered my life permanently . My mum left my dad, moved my siblings and I into a mobile home with my step father.

Fast forward twenty five years ,by then I was married with two children on the autistic spectrum and living with my mum and step father. We had for complicated reasons bought a house together but my marriage was failing and I needed to move out for my own mental wellbeing.

That is where the bullying became more obvious, my step father deliberately listened in to my private phone calls, encouraged my mum to ignore me or avoid me, even walking past me without talking to me and spreading rumours about me to other members of the  extended family.

It never improved. My parents moved abroad. In the meantime my mum was showing signs of dementia but I couldn't visit often due to lack of funds. Telephone calls became less and less as she found it difficult to communicate. Eventually they moved back to the UK but moved two hundred miles away near the extended family. My mum said she was pleasing my step father by moving away from her daughter and grand kids. I still couldn't chat well on the phone and visiting was hard due to the strained relationship with my step father.

As time progressed my mum deteriorated but my step father refused to let her visit me and my extended family wouldn't or couldn't help.

My mum eventually failed to recognise me so my step father told me I didn't need to visit often.

I decided the stress was too much for me and made the decision to stop the visits, my step father made it impossible and my extended family wouldn't help.

The next communication I had was an email from my extended family telling me my mum had passed away , there was to be no funeral.

I tried to find out where she was laid to rest and to ask for some mementos but was refused.

This is a very condensed description, one sided and I am aware I made mistakes which I hold accountability for but looking back there are clear indications of bullying/manipulation. This is unacceptable but I know I will not get an apology,and I missed the opportunity of saying goodbye to my mum.